Dream Quests!

I don't do New Year's Resolutions! I just can't. I've never kept one in over 30 years and I'm not about to set myself up for a guilt trip and dismal failure yet again. More info here.

However I have had success with Dreams Come True! And since this time of year is overwhelmed with talk of setting goals and what might be the best course of action to achieve said goals; I can't help but re-evaluate my dreams. Make sure I'm still on track to achieving them.

Since I work on dreams instead, it's much easier to deal with the little set backs. I am better than I was last year at this time in regards to conquering my Clutter Monster. I still have some major wars to win with the beast, but I have learned a lot and made progress in the right direction.

I'm ONLY 21 pages into a new book that's perfect for this time of year. But it's been so chuck full of Wow's I keep going back to underline the parts that really walloped me the first time I read them.

'life is a verb' by Patti Digh '37 days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally.' I'm so digging it. The author encourages her readers to scribble within her book - How fun is that? Here's one of my favorite excerpts - So Far. I guess I can't do an official review until I finish the book.

'Every day's story is followed by two challenges: One that can be done immediately (ACTION) and one to do over time (MOVEMENT).

Ernest Hemingway warned: "Never confuse action with movement." The more immediate Action Challenges may start the process of change, but without an ongoing practice they can't create enough momentum for real movement - that only happens over time.'

Typical New Year's Resolutions are all about Action - but it's short term. Exercise now to lose the weight then stop. Movement on the other hand is long term - life changing. Want to be in shape then you'll do what it takes on a daily basis - consistency - for the rest of your life. What's your movement worth?

Hope that makes sense?

My Dreams... are to run a Marathon by the time I turn 40. That's in less than 2 years. I want to run it this fall ' The Top of Utah.' And to get there I'm going to attempt my second Half Marathon this June in Seattle. My first Half Marathon was the most amazing experience.

I was talking to my Young and Gorgeous Counselor and she asked what that Marathon would mean to me. I immediately started bawling like a baby and told her that what it meant was that I can do absolutely ANYTHING I WANT TO DO. To go from walking with a cane and feeling like an 80 year old woman to a Marathon. - Well it would be the Tops!

My other Dreams include vanquishing that Dreaded Clutter Monster.

Conquering My Financial Nightmare, and most importantly Raising My Children to the Very Best of My Ability. For I know if I do Everything that I can possibly do - I can then turn them over to their Heavenly Father and he will fill in the holes I left behind.

He's my biggest helper, with my kids, and in achieving all my dreams.

My other big helpers are Accountability and Journaling!

So What are some of Your Dreams Quests and what's the one thing you think that helps you Achieve Them?

Out with the Old

So I’ll let you in on one of my Dreams. To have a home where, get this…

There’s A Place for Everything and Everything is in its place.

Sound familiar? I grew up hearing that phase over and over again. Somehow the reality seeing that statement as fact has eluded me. I’ve been a clutter-holic since birth. Messy to the Max. And let me tell you, the clutter isn’t just in dealing with my home; its physical (weight wise, although I’ve almost tackled this clutter beast), it’s financial, mental, nutritional, and so on and so forth. Fawndear has way too much clutter.

I could probably win an award for having too much clutter. You know those evening news stories where police would describe horrible filthy living conditions in someone’s home, well I’ve had days where I could have probably been turned in and made National news. My garage is so full of stuff, forget the tiny pathway to walk through because it’s not there. It’s more like an obstacle/mountain climbing course. And more often than not, I opt not to climb over but to go around to the other side to see if it gets me any closer to my item of interest. Usually, I decide it’s not worth the effort, which sadly enough, tells you how valuable the stuff I keep out there is.

And to think this guy in CA intentionally saved his trash for a year. I’ve unintentionally saved that much and I bet if I tried really hard I could find that much and more in less than a week. I used to be(no time for TV anymore) one of those emotional viewers of daytime talk-shows who would cry buckets of tears when I saw people on Oprah win home-makeovers to remove their clutter. ‘Could someone please nominate me?’ I would always think. My husband has heard on, too many to count, occasion’s that for once I would love to have a perfectly clean home where everything was organized and in it’s place.

How many of you have husbands who beg you to hire someone to help you clean your house? Mine does. Forget the expense. Notice the desperation. ‘Is she coming today,’ he asks excitedly, like a kid waiting for Santa. ‘Well if she did it’s such a mess within two hours of her leaving you would never know that she had come.’ Needless to say he loves a clean home.

Reality is… no one can remove the clutter except for me. No amount of money, cleaning ladies, organizational systems. If I ever did win a makeover, my space would look good for a couple of days. But then the clutter, like a slime monster from an old B movie, would creep back in leaving a trail of paper, broken toys, and old food wrappers strewn about. I think it’s the same principle that applies to money. How many stories have you heard about lottery winners winning major bucks and then filing for bankruptcy? If you don’t know how to handle money – you won’t be able to even when it’s given to you. If I can’t learn how to tackle the clutter monster in my life, then no matter how much stuff I get rid of, I‘ll still have clutter.

So, being that I refuse to set a New Year’s Resolution to tame my clutter beast, how on earth am I going to get this dream? I’ll tell you how. The same way I lost all that weight. I have that clutter free dream going on and I’m going to make a plan, make myself accountable to someone, educate the heck out of my brain about clutter and why is it I hang on to everything, and step-by-little-step I’ll make this dream come true.

Since Christmas my family has made some big changes. My husband and I had cashed in, on one of our Visa’s perks. It wasn’t cash back but we did get some gift cards to Home Depot. We took advantage of some New Year Organizational Sales and bought some Closetmaid systems to redo our kid’s closets. We saved almost 50% of the total cost. Whippie! Now with eight people in a three bedroom home, you do the math, but aside from my room, it comes down to three kids per bedroom, the boys room and the girls room... Having efficient closets should have been on our to-do lists a long time ago. Fast forward to last weekend and with a couple of days of work, Whala. The closets are done. Not only did we get rid of the standard one shelf/one rod monstrosity that is the norm for closets today, but we also eliminated about half of the kid’s clothes. Ones that I was too embaresed to send them out in public in, didn't fit anymore, and even ones that were really nice but they never wore.



But Fawndear, didn’t you just say ‘no organizational product will solve your problems’? Of course not, not by itself, but I’m educating myself, learning efficiency, and I’m on a de-junking, simplifying mission. And when I get something in my head, watch out, because little else can fit in. One track mind here, multi-tasking but still one track. Just ask any of my kids trying to get my attention when I’m involved in something.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the kid’s rooms. They are not done yet, but as for the closets, so far so good. I can now tidy my girl’s room in less than 2 minutes, something that used to take hours. It helps that our littlest sleeps on a trundle bed that I can put away each morning. One less surface to attract clutter.

Since Christmas I’ve also sent one huge, full-size pick-up load to the dump and collected this here beautiful pile to take to the Thrift store.

So here’s part of my simple plan.

1. Everyday, take out more trash than I bring in. Revolutionary, if I say so myself. Notice how this one step can have far reaching, greater overall implications in my anti-clutter crusade. Be it financial, physical, mental etc.

2. Everyday organize one new little space, drawer, closet shelf, or on bad days just two-foot section of floor, etc.

3. Be accountable.

I’m making you, my blog family, my clutter 911 accountability team. I know, I know, just what you’ve always wanted. Let me know if you spot any red flags in my thinking. Feel me in on your organizing expertise. I’ll start by showing you my next cluttered space that I’m going to work on. Sensitive viewers may want to switch to a more pleasant website now! Oh horror of horror’s…

What, your still here. It must be my lucky day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Consider commenting on my anti-clutter dream an act of charity, a good deed for your day. If you don’t see an organized picture follow within a week – take me to task. Remind me of my dream and how good I’ll feel to have it come true. I’m much better at following through with stuff when I know I’ve got to be accountable to someone besides myself.

My next challenge is the Princess Academy Homeroom. It’s our library or bonus room and it’s also where I started homeschooling my girls. Now, it’s the last room I go into (other than the garage) because it’s so none-functional. The sad thing is, my dear Mother-In-Law helped me clean, and de-junk this room a year ago. I got rid of and gave away a ton of stuff, but then I brought in the school stuff and didn’t really have a set place for anything again. Because I didn’t do it right the first time, it didn’t last long as our school room. So now, I usually teach the girls in whatever room I happen to be in. Today it was the kitchen, but I would love to get back to having it function as our schoolroom. And clean isn’t the answer, it will be organized, immaculate, everything will have a place, and if I’m really lucky not an eyesore either.

I'm realistic about the fact that with six children the chances of everything being in place, even if it has a home, isn't good. They have to be on board my dream as well. And I think they are. They don't know where to put stuff because right now there isn't a set place. But that is all changing. Don't you just love good changes?

From now on Friday’s will be, as my sister Trenadoll says, my ‘Dream On’ Day. You’ll have to tune in to see which dream or nightmare is coming true. Be grateful it’s my dreams, if my husband blogged about his dreams you would be regaled with tales of him as Eddie Murphy in a flying doughnut or how he had a herd of constipated walrus’s in the backyard that needed watering. On, second thought, that might be a more interesting read. Oh, I digress way too often for my own good, never mind about his dreams. It’s all about me. And just think how happy he will be when my dream of an organized home comes true. Sorry about the insufferably long blog today.

Anti-New Year's Resolutions

As the year comes to an end I’m faced with the inevitable thoughts of putting New Year’s resolutions to paper. Who am I kidding? After 30’ish years of guilt-ridden failure, I have finally come to the conclusion that New Year’s resolutions have never worked for me and never will. Kind of depressing that it took me so long to figure that one out. Is it because they are cursed or because the word ‘year’ in the title means that, like a year, the goal is temporary, and not meant to be forever. Why do goals so often come with the failure and guilt? I want my changes to be permanent.

I had a clue last year that my resolutions wouldn’t work so I skipped setting goals in my favorite areas – you know the same goals that you set year after year – lose weight, make money, be happy, and for me get organized. But old habits die hard and the people pleaser inside myself, still felt the need to set some goals. That way when asked what my goals were, I could respond with something witty and unique. I succeeded at neither. I decided to have my only two resolutions be, ready the drum roll, one: Never let the car’s gas tank go under half full (that lasted about 3 weeks, but longer than the national average of two weeks), and two: Always go to bed with a clean kitchen sink. Sorry Flylady, but I think that New Year’s resolution lasted about 2 days.

Soooo, with that miserable failure I've come to the conclusion that…

I was right (the three words my husband has to hear way too often. Sorry off subject). Last year when I finally decided not to set a New Year’s Resolution of losing weight guess what? Lo and behold I lost a whopping 70 lbs. And in losing the weight you wouldn’t believe how much happier and healthy I am now compared to the old, depressed and then-medicated me from last year.

So this year, with tongue firmly intrenched in cheek, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will definitely not, under no circumstances, set New Year’s Resolutions to finally figure out how to manage money.

And no amount of arm-twisting, no matter how hard my husband and kids plead, will ever make me resolve to tackle the clutter beast that has taken over our home.

I’m am fully aware however, that by not setting these resolutions, next year, by this time, and without the guilt of failure, I will be much richer and have a spotless immaculate home that will make other mommies of multiple kiddo’s drool with envy.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not anti-goal setting. I’ll make some plans but there is no way on earth I’ll call them New Year’s Resolutions. I’m a firm believer that Goals not written are only wishes. Instead I’ll think I’ll drop-kick the idea of so-called goals and call them Fawn’s Dream Quests. That sounds much more magical, Disney-ish, fantastic, and fun to me. Goals carry guilt. Dreams, aside from the nightmares and underwear in a crowded room, can be brought up over and over again with no guilt attached. I’ll even write some of my dream quests down on paper and flourish them with curly q’s and doodles with flowers and stars and such, just to take them beyond the wish phase.

New Year’s Resolutions are obligatory and are set just because it’s a new year, and like bad habits, that’s what everyone does. Dream Quests, unlike years, never die. They are dreams with purpose and by-golly you really want your dreams to come true.

Plus, once you’ve had a dream come true, it feels so great you want that feeling back again and again. And once you’ve accomplished one dream, you know you’ve got the stuff inside you to make other's happen as well. So here is to another year of Dreams Can Come True. What are your dreams?

Dream Come True

Somehow certain words from the movie Enchanted's 'Ever After' song fit right in.

'You even might wind up
Being glad to be you.'

You know I couldn't say that a year ago. Today it's way different. If you would have told me 11 months ago that I would complete a half-marathon I probably would have laughed in your face. O.K. let me restate, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed in anyone’s face on purpose. In fact, I probably would have nodded politely and said, ‘that’s nice.’ Then turned around and rolled my eyes. You see last January I couldn’t even exercise on a treadmill because my feet would constantly drag and stumble. But, never say never. With a lot of support from amazing family and friends and worth their weight in gold training specialists, a true-life miracle and a lot of prayers, I had a dream come true. Fawndear completed her first ever half-Marathon at the Inaugural Rose Bowl Half Marathon in Pasadena CA.

Why there? Well I got a cool looking medal with a Rose on it. And like me it was the Rose Bowls first half marathon as well. Plus it was an excellent excuse to take my little Princess’s to Disneyland just down the road. But more on the mouse’s house in another blog.

'Storybook endings
Fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside
We want to believe they still do.'

Saturday, December 8th, started out clear but a bit nippy. I was a bundle of nerves when my sweet sister-in-law, who kindly hosted me and my very girly girls, woke me up at 5:15 a.m. Wondering if I should kiss my girls good-bye because I might just kill over as I ran, and then they would never see me again, was sadly a real thought. But common sense ruled out and I let them sleep as I got ready for my hour drive to the Rose Bowl from where we were staying.

I had an advantage of being from a cooler state and I knew that I could run in high 50 degree weather without a jacket and would be just fine. I’m sure it warmed up to the 60’s before the race was over. I found it a bit comical to see people bundled up in full winter gear with earmuffs, and huge fleece jackets at the start of the race, only to see items of clothing scattered on bushes and curbs along the side of the road with hopes their owners would soon be back to retrieve them.

The run was beautiful, with bridges, trails, elite neighborhoods, a golf course and workmen erecting bleachers along the Tournament of Roses Parade Route, and the hillsides of CA. I wish I would have brought my camera with me. That was yet another debate I had with myself but rational thinking ruled out in that one as well.
My goals were to finish the race and hopefully in under 3 hours. Before my muscle setback in November I had a much higher goal but hey, I’m starting to get the hang of flexibility.

The fun thing about races is the people you meet along the way. Some you know just by sight like the girl with Jasmine hair and her boyfriend who kept holding hands, or the skinny blond who keeps smiling encouragingly as we yo-yoed positions back and forth. The funny man pep talking out loud to himself and singing drinking songs. ‘Whatever it takes,’ I said to another runner as we smiled at each other as he passed us. There are also the runners that stand out just ahead of you that give you a target to try to beat. I kept picking the really mature past their 50’s people who kept a slow but steady pace. Somehow most of them only stayed within my view for a few miles and then they were gone. But I kept on chugging with hopes I would catch them around the next corner.

Then my favorites are the ones that exchanged word of encouragement with me. Like #1500 – she had to have been in her 70-80’s, a sweet little stooped wisp of thing with a smile on her face. She wasn’t really running or jogging but had a funny power-walk gait that made her stand out. As I passed her around mile 10 I couldn’t help but tell her that she was a true inspiration. She told me thank you and she wished someone would inspire her knees because they were killing her. Then on the hill during mile number 11 our paths crossed again.

‘Yeah, we are almost there. I can’t wait for the downhill,’ I said.

‘I can’t wait for the free beer,’ she replied.

Of course it brought a smile to my face. I hope I’m doing as well as her when I’m her age, without the thoughts of alcohol.

Then there were the two men about my age, could have been brothers, of middle-eastern ethnicity who yo-yoed positions with me for the last few miles. They commented on how great they thought I was doing. We talked about where we were from which led to conversations about the weather. Somehow being from Washington always makes you an expert on rain and flooding. I ended up telling them about the reasons for my trip down with my girls. They encouraged me the whole rest of the way and we all crossed the finish line together. I even got one of them to take my picture to prove I was there.

'Start a new fashion
Wear your heart on your sleeve'

Forget the sleeve, it was all over my face like blinking neon lights. I bawled like a baby as I crossed the finish line, and not because of the shin splint I was suffering from either. I saw the staff photographers clicking away. Bet those pictures are beauts. But the tears were from so many different emotions and probably a good dose of hormones added in to boot. Gratitude for a new beginning and for a wonderful husband who encouraged me to go for it even though it was a really expensive goal. For also completing something on my own without being accountable to anyone but me, but still with thoughts of all those people who helped me get to that point. For the feelings accomplishment of finishing in a decent 2 hours and 48 something minutes. Of amazement that I was still alive and had just completed another wonder and hope for the future to be as bright as the last few wonderful days.


'There is joy to be claimed in this world..
The world can be yours
If you let your heart
Believe in ever after.'

Of course I waited a good 10 minutes before I called my Prince Erik to tell him I finished. I was still blubbering then, probably to the point that he thought I might have injured myself. I wanted to share the news with so many different people and not at all to blow my own horn. It was such a great experience but it would be greater still to share it with other people, in hopes that someday they can complete similar goals and experience the same joy. I’d love to make this a tradition event but that would mean learning how to set some financial goals as well. Who knows a lot can happen in a year.

'Each happy ending's
A brand new beginning
Forever could even start today'

So, I'm offically announcing that I want to set a goal to return in a year. Maybe in 10 years I'll have my mom help me make an amazing Rose Bowl Half-Marathon T-shirt quilt. Who's want's to join me?

Booted from the Turkey Trot

I’ve been told not to run in a local 10K race tomorrow simply because I bought a certain running shoes 3 weeks ago. O.K. explanation in order, whether you’re interested or not. Seventy lbs. and less than 11 months ago (Yes, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one as well), when I first started exercising, I had problems with plantar fasciitis or heel spurs. So, I decided to play smart and see a Podiatrist. I was pointed in the direction of a really expensive ($120 pair of shoes that would help my feet). Well, seeing as I just had invested literally thousands to join a program to help with exercise, eating, mental, preparing food, etc., I certainly didn’t want sore heels slowing me down. So I bought them. They were worth every penny. I probably wore them way too long, but they were the best shoes I’ve ever had. You have to understand the desperation, up until then I had never spent more than $15.99 for a pair of shoes, for myself, in my entire life. Forward to three weeks ago… I knew I needed new shoes, but times being what they are, I had a hard time thinking that I had to buy that same pair of expensive shoes. So after much looking I spied a sale at Big 5 Sports. There was a shoe there made by the same company, it looked similar in support, but it had a different name, and on sale it was only $39.00. I thought I had scored!
Turns out… I was way wrong. Things seemed fine until 10 days ago when I halted my 4.5 morning slow but steady jog at 1.25 miles. I had a pain in my hip that seemed to be getting worse. I knew that I needed to take a break from the intense training I’ve been doing for my upcoming half-marathon. It is a huge goal of mine to do this half-marathon to cap off an unbelievable, miraculous year of finding myself. But that is another story. Who would have thought, that my dream could now be in jeopardy because I skimped on shoes. After 10 days of taking it easy I finally saw my Dr. and he diagnosed me with leg tensor fascia lata syndrome. I know, it sounds like some malady that a character from the Incredibles gets if they haven’t had their morning brew. I think it means I have an inflamed muscle, tendon, or something like that. The Dr. explained it, but I had my three girls with me, so I probably only understood half of what he said.
The whole things boils down absolutly no Turkey trot, which was to be my first official 10K, this weekend. My half-marathon, in a month, is also in danger of getting axed. There is still some hope. I’m going to start immediately with a physical therapist, special exercises, lot’s of ibuprofen, ice and of course a lot of prayer. I should know more, in a week or two, about whether or not I have to drop a dream or live it.
The best part of the whole conversation with my Dr., yesterday, was that I have a problem common in runners. Being compared to other runners was a revelation to me. Yes, I have completed three 5K races and two sprint triathlons, but I never thought of myself as an athlete; just someone trying to slowly get to some first-time in my lifetime goals. But yesterday, I arrived! I realized all the hard work had achieved something I hadn’t realized. I am a true athlete. Although super slow and uncoordinated, I’m a runner. And yesterday I finally realized it. And by-golly this athlete is worth a pair of shoes worth $120.