And the Monkey Threw a Greasy Wrench…

My Doctor told me to slack off the Home Improvement yesterday.  At least that’s what he said…

What I heard was that I have to wear these little pretties while working around the house.

Stupid Monkey and his wrench.  Do you like the paint speckles I’ve contributed to the hideous bondage device?  I might paint them lavender and sprinkle glitter all over them. Maybe even add a lace trim.  Hummm… turn them into Fairy Godmother secret compartment gloves…you can never tell what I might add that will stick to all the Velcro... and my mind wanders… must be all the paint fumes.

So this whole de-hoarding, home improvement journey might take a little longer than originally planned.  I’m not quitting, I just have to take the home improvements slower and make sure I back off if what-ever it is I’m doing aggravates the tingles.

The Stupid Monkey wrench… Possible Carpal-tunnel something nonsense.  All I know is that my fingers are numb during the day, and often my wrists are in pain (the kind that can wake you up at un-heavenly hours), especially at night.

Last night after I spread the joyful news, that my hands might need to back off some of the intensity of our home redo, the boys stepped up big time.  Their task was to prime something previously crusty and old in the kitchen.  And I’m so itching to show you how amazing it’s looking already.

I’ll have to post the whole kitchen process when it’s finished.  But it involved a lot of heave-ho and out-you-go, to stuff we never use.  Lot’s of cleaning, sanding washing, priming, painting, etc.  It’s like the kitchen vomited out of itself and into the dining room and family room.  So I’m extra motivated to hurry and get the painting process done so that we can reclaim the rooms it overflowed into.

Here’s an ugly glimpse at the messy in-between phase.  You know the phase where we pull everything out of the cabinets and you hear exclamations like…

‘Wow, I never knew food could grow that much hair,’ or…

‘It expired in 2006?  Are you kidding me?’  No officer, I’m not trying to poison my family.  The expired food was buried so far back in the cupboard there was no way possible for some starving child to find it.

‘And what does this contraption do?…  Honey, which infomercial did you buy this hunk of junk from?’

‘Really, darling, over forty knives – Five of which were, exactly the same, for cutting bread.’  Apparently, I’m not the only hoarder in the family.  Prince Erik hoards knives.

‘Are those shriveled raisins under the stove???  or…. No… don’t taste them… I really think they are dung from the attack of the R.O.U.S’s (monster rodents) that we fought off two years ago.’  Plenty of shudder’s emanated from all of us on the discovery of an old rodent’s nest under the stove. 

‘I never knew the bottom of that cooking oil shelf was painted yellow?… oh, you say, it wasn’t…  What? it’s really old layers of balsamic vinegar mixed with drops of every oil known to man.’  Quick open a can of elbow grease – see if that will help dilute the hazy layer of muck.

 

Am I making you sick yet?  If so, don’t say anything, just congratulate me for not being in denial anymore, and more importantly, for doing something about it.

To be fair the bottom of this shelf was well above eye level and had I any idea of how nasty it had gotten I would have tackled it um, Years a long time ago.

Have you lost your appetite yet?  Decided that this blog is too much of a biohazard of mental proportions to risk ever visiting again…  Suddenly overwhelmed by the the urge to go clean a shelf… Well if one or more of these thoughts have crossed your brain – welcome to my MIND.

Stick around the Makeover is amazing.  Want a little proof.  Look at one of the project’s I redid last week.

From Blah Brown… to Beautiful Blue  (Looks 100 times better in person.)

See how I did this by clicking Here.  So monkey, take that wrench and do what you will, but beware, you’ll not slow me down.