Sunday, March 29, 2009

Consistently Inconsistent

I aspire to do great things, have a clean home, well-behaved young-uns, craft to my hearts content, read a gazillion books, oh and run a marathon.


Trouble is – to aspire to anything you have to have something called consistency.  Sadly the only thing I’m consistent at is inconsistency.

I’m really good with new chore charts, exercise or eating programs for about 1-2 weeks and then inconsistency rears it’s ugly head.  I fall off the bandwagon.  (where did that term even come from?)

But hey – I aspire to defeat inconsistency.  So I tackled another Clutter-monster war zone.  The dining room, or the room in which no one eats because it’s always covered with mom’s stuff room. 

I know you won’t believe it until you see it.

I dare you to find room to fit a plate of food for one, let alone eight, in this room.


And the china hutch and surrounding space?


So it took me the better part of the afternoon but finally I uncovered all the brown glory of the hutch.  Man, I sure do need to find some color.


Notice the lower left corner of the picture.  So the only negative with de-cluttering is it brings to sudden sight the imperfections of the home.  For example:  body-banging damage, of teenage boys, to corners and Picasso art of 2 year olds to walls.


But Hey, we can have dinner at the table now, and not on the floor like a bunch of farm animals.


And see I even pulled out some Easter Eggs Cause everything is screaming for colors other than brown.

Oh and the clutter you see in the background is Thrift Store Give-Away pile and school stuff.

So now the Dining room is added to my list of rooms that can be tidied in 5 minutes or less, along with the Master Bedroom, Front Room, Front Hallway and T.V.Room.  Wahoo.

Now to let you in on a little secret to my whole spring cleaning tactics.  In fact I’ll even let the skeletons out of the closet, or back room to be precise.  Sure I’ve purged the before mentioned rooms of all the extra clutter but it’s still around.  If I can’t find a home for something I’ve put it in the room of Probation DOOM!  The Last Chance Hole of all things clutter.  Once I hit every room in my home I intend to visit this room for a final time and deal out Judgment in the form of permanent home or banishment.  I expect I’ll shed some tears, say a few choice words like freaking, and crap. But I will deal with it.  I will be consistent this once!!!


Because I want my Craft Fantasy Studio and the only way to get there is to deal with the Pain of separation of stuff.

Behold my growing Mountain of Clutter.


And so your eye’s weren’t playing tricks on you.  Here’s a slightly different angle.


Notice it is so bad there isn’t even a path to the door.  You have to risk climbing over it’s treacherous peaks.

AHHHHHHHHH!  Don’t tell the fire marshal or I’ll be fined for blocking an access.

But hey, the rest of my home is beginning to look decent, and that should count for something. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Anyone seen my brain?

It’s been missing for a couple of weeks.  Not sure where I put it.  Perhaps if I’d known where I placed it I wouldn’t have misplaced my 3 year old today.

Hope decided to visit Jewel my neighbor and it took me 15 minutes to figure out that she was gone, scour the house, yard and trailer park, before I got a clue.  I had finally decided to call 911 when I saw that my sweet neighbor had left a message for me letting me know that Hope was with her.  UGH!!!  I can’t believe I did that again.  And now that Hope knows there’s an awesome flat screen that plays Blue’s Clues just up the road, she may have extra incentive to ditch mom again. 

Maybe I should just put Jewels # on speed dial.  Last year Hope was fascinated by her little pond.  This year she’s gone and invited herself into the neighbor’s house.

Do ya think they make reverse Electronic Shock collars?  One that I could put on myself so that when Hope ventures further than 30 feet away it zaps me back to reality?

My dear sweet husband decided that maybe some torture sessions would clear my brain so he signed me up for some shock and awe therapy with my personal torture trainer friend Mrs. DAR-ling.  So starting next week she is going to try and jump start my muffin top into some serious action and pain (no doubt).  I’ve worked out with her before, she’s awesome, but I’ve always had trouble walking stairs or even sitting down, afterwards. 

Funny thing is, Prince Erik was too chicken to tell me that he had signed me up.  He had my trainer tell me. 

So with a personal trainer, WW, and my Young and Gorgeous Counselor on board I’m hoping that I’ll finally be able to turn this whole weight mess around. 

Still waiting for spring to arrive.  Maybe that’s why my mind is foul.  I walked outside to snow on the car this morning.  I need to do some therapeutic weed pulling but it’s nothing but liquid sunshine and puddles of mud outside.

Thank you for listening to my little old vent.  I’m all better know.  Ready to start tackling my Super Long Spring To-Do list!  It’s a fun list too – Lots of crafts, de-cluttering and sewing, and more sewing, another favorite holiday or two.  Should be fun, if I can locate my brain that is.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I plead insanity.

Maybe my good mood left when I packed up the wee folks. 

Maybe it’s because my stupid tremors are back, courtesy of the stupid weight gain of the past couple of months.

Maybe it flew out the door as Abner raced to earn his eagle. 

eagle scout rockwell

With only two days until his 18th birthday they finally approved his efforts.  He made it, in typical Fawndear procrastination style.  My son is flying.

eagle be prepared 

His project was to clear a trail, remove fallen tree’s and make and replace 23 plant identification signs.


That alone kept my mind whirling that I totally spaced his birthday.  So what do you get a son turning 18 that has more in his checking account than you do?     Who on a daily basis proves his is more mature than his mom.

pirate water bottle

That’s it?  Yeah, he likes pirate stuff and all but this is one exceptional boy.  And that’s all he gets?  He has never in all his years once sassed me,  raised his voice to me, threw a temper tantrum in any form what-so-ever since he was maybe 3 or 4. 

This is the one in a million kid that when he see’s that I need help, he volunteers to help without being asked. 

Of all the kids in the state we live in he qualified for Nationals in two events at TSA.  He taught himself how to play chess at the age of four by just watching his Pompa and Dad play.  He is exceptional.

So how does his mother mark his passage into adulthood - with a lousy water bottle.  You’ve got to be kidding me.

I truly was sick to my stomach that this special day snuck up on me and I’d planned nothing, no party, no special commemorative gifts.  Maybe my sub-conscience was trying to trick me into thinking if I didn’t celebrate his birthday he wouldn’t get any older.  He wouldn’t soon be taking his amazing example and leaving the nest.  Regardless of my pathetic excuses, I was a mental mess on his birthday.  Still am, but that’s nothing new.

He even offered to help decorate his own birthday cake.


I was able to get a couple of his friends to come over at the last minute and play rock band with him.   It wasn’t a total loss.  And dad brought him home a computer gadget.  So he didn’t walk away with only one thing.


But, I’m feeling like a stinking, horrible mom right now, and deserve to be taken to the woodshed.  Well that’s where I’ve taken myself.  He hasn’t complained a lick about the lack of attention.  He never has.  He always steps back and let’s the kids who bellow and whine take all my focus. 

So help me – how can I make this up to him?  Other than making him an Eagle quilt or something.  Material things aren’t going to cut it.  How do I let him know just how much he means to me?  I can’t believe my baby is 18!!!!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Magic by Moonlight


Well the wee folk didn’t forget us.  Monday night the children laid out their Leprechaun Treasure boxes on the windowsills. 


Hoping that the magic of the fairy moonlight would filter through our ever constant cloud layer, and that the Leprechauns would find our home through the haze.

moonlight magic

And sometime overnight our little guests found the children’s boxes, spirited them away, and left a magical trail throughout the house.


They visited our resident leprechauns.


Leaving their trail of magic, pixie dust and wonder in their wake.


They even visited Lea’s little Fairy House.


And hid her treasure box behind the abode.


The Leprechauns couldn’t resist doing a very quite (as to not wake the humans) Irish jig on the piano.


Some boxes were easy to find – others not so much.


The girls got beautiful fairy beads along with some sweets and $ coins.


Their little treasure boxes could hardly be sat down.  Again and again they would admire their shiny new gifts.


The Leprechauns even left a box for me.  And among the goodies was a new clover fairy for my garden.


All in all it was an enchanting day.  With the smell of prairie clover wafting through the home.


And clover blossoms bursting forth in new spring glory.


I couldn’t help but make myself some more Mint Limeade and sit with my kids and watch my favorite Irish movies.

Darby O’ Gill and the Little People & The Secret of Roan Inish.


Hope you all had a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day and here’s to Magical  Good Luck throughout the coming year.


Keep your eye’s open for I’ve a green give-away coming up soon.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Nerds are Expensive

So my son Abner is a chip off the ol' block. His dad's, not mine. The whole computer geek stuff comes from Prince Erik not me. So being the son of a computer nerd, he is bound to have some of it rub off. And it did big time this week.

See Abner joined his schools Nerd Herd (I Mean Technology Student Association) and went off to State competition to compete in the State Geek Olympics. Where they throw down homemade movies instead of shot puts, and do extemporaneous speaking instead of the triathlon. My little Abner competed in four different events out of the 30 offered. And the little brain-ball qualified for Nationals in two out of the four. His On-demand video group won 1st place and his Computer Game Building team won 2nd place.

Now we've got to pull up couch cushions to find an extra $1000 + in chicken change to send him to Nationals in a couple of months. I'm feeling another dreaded garage sale coming on. Maybe we can sell his collection of Mech Warriors.

So I thought I'd let you all see his winning entry for the On-demand video. He didn't act because he is behind the camera the whole time. Each team is given 2 props, in this case keys and tissue, and a line that they have to use in the movie. The line was, 'It's the wrong size.' They then have 36 hours to write a script, film it, edit it and present it to the judges. Abner's team won 1st place with this little short

So for your viewing pleasure here's the nerd talent our State is sending to Nationals. If it doesn't work, come back later. I'm still trying to figure out the whole nerd stuff myself. Unfortunately the very last second of the film cuts off. So your missing these boys say the word 'Nothing.' And if it doesn't work try the Youtube version HERE!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Spring Fever

My definition of Spring Fever isn’t a trip to some tropical location full of partying school kids. My definition of Spring Fever is me being so overcome by the Clutter Monster I decide to fight back.

clutter scream

I can only hope that somehow, maybe through divine intervention I can lay that monster to rest once and for all.

death of clutter

I have a new incentive.

‘Fawndear,’ I said to myself, ‘You can’t touch your laptop and go play with your blog friends until you get your room clean.’ Now doesn’t that sound like something a nice responsible mother would say. So everyday before I check my blog and blog friends I have to de-clutter one area (be it a room or teeny-tiny drawer).

But wait, it get’s better.

Since clutter breeds at an alarmingly rapid pace around these parts I also said to myself.


‘Yes, myself.’

‘Don’t you think it would be a good idea to tidy those beautiful, wonderfully clean, de-cluttered area’s before you sit down to your brain-sucking device?’

‘Well self, that would be the ideal now, wouldn’t it? However, that would make me Supermom and I don’t know if I can live up to that fairytale.



‘Yes, Fawndear.’

‘You do know that being the Perfect Mom is a Myth – don’t you? Newsweek even said so.’

perfect mother myth


‘But every now and then you can give it the good old college try.’

‘What’s the good old college try?’

‘Don’t know, it just sounded like a good thing to say. You know mommy-wisdom. Sound profound even when you aren’t.’

So I decided to be Holly Homemaker for a couple of days this week. Donned my beautiful mommy apron and string of Mother’s Day beaded love that my little princess’s made me and I got to work.


Ready for some more before/after stuff? Well you’re going to get it regardless. My front room before…


And after…


It was previously de-cluttered so it didn’t take me to long to tidy.

Next is the dreaded entryway. The place where you drop everything the moment you walk into the house.


And after the magically happy mom cleans it. Hope can’t help but dance with glee (and secretly think that now there are wonderful new places to stash her toys).


And for the last place I pretended to be perfect. The dreaded kitchen table. You know, the place your supposed to feed kids and what-not. I don’t think we’ve sat down to eat there in a week. Usually I just throw down their paper plates piled in food on the floor so they can lap it up like barn animals.


Behold… I even threw in a tablecloth.


Lasted all of one meal. But it was a beautiful meal. I guess I should get those hideous clear vinyl sheets to put over it so I just wipe up the spills.

And since our kitchen is forever in the remodel, redneck stage I knew I would just have to tackle the clutter monster as he resided on one of the couple of feet left of counter space that is still standing. I know that sentence didn’t make any sense but who cares? Not me, I’m on a clutter vanquishing quest.


So the after is a bit better. But I know I still need to find a new home for Mr.. Quaker Oat’s man.


And since we are in the kitchen and I’ve just uncovered a bit of counter space. Why not attempt an idea I saw in Family Fun Magazine.


So I did, since it was Evo-man’s birthday this last week. Here’s my out-of-tune version of the above cake. Straight lines are so-overrated anyway.


Hey, it’s better than my first attempt.


Now I’m off to clean the girls room. Their wardrobe is in dire need of a make-over.


Tune in next week for the adventures of Super-mom as she contemplates clearing out the cobweb infested alcove, and filling it with a magical fairy tree house.


I just love Spring Fever. Hopefully I won’t recover from it anytime soon.