I’m going out on a limb posting this one. Who wants to read a depressing blog? But in the name of honesty, here it goes. We took our pre-teen son to the hospital this morning after a 1 ½ hour temper tantrum worthy of any two year old. He suffers from Severe Depression, which we have been treating with every recommended idea by his counselor and physiatrist. Over the past couple of months they have also tagged him with O.D.D. A year ago I would have blamed myself. Of course when your kids have problems you automatically try to pinpoint what exactly you did wrong that made your child this way. Was it because I didn’t read to them enough at bedtime, didn’t take Omega-3 capsules when I was pregnant, maybe it was the trauma of moving to a new home, in a different state, when they were just 15 months old?
All I could do wasn’t enough. I think I finally realized that I had read every book I thought could offer some real suggestions,changed the diet of the entire family, got rid of the Satellite Dish, switched his schools, finally even tried medication. Prayed, read scriptures, attended multiple parenting classes all for one child’s struggles. I must spend more time, physical and mental energy, finances and then some, on this son than my other 5 children combined. Have I done enough? I don’t think so. Giving up on a child is not on my to-do list. I love this little guy so much.
This morning he did some things that his counselor told us we needed to take seriously and even consider hospitalization for. It was a decision my husband and I have been dreading but we knew we needed more help. Our son didn’t want to go and we even had to call 911 before he agreed to get in the car. Coming along, even reluctantly, with many tears, pleading and desperation, I think helped the fact that after spending 3 ½ hours in the emergency room he was able to go back home with us. How will this child cope with life as an adult if he can’t learn to handle himself now? Will he be able to overcome the hurdles he places in front of his self? Take responsibility for his actions and not blame everyone else? I pray he will. Meanwhile, as his Mom, I’m willing to do anything it takes, even if that means letting him deal with the consequences of his actions.
I can’t save him from the bad choices he sometimes makes, only he can do that. But, I can love him unconditionally, praise him when he does well, and encourage him in the right direction. Even though it sometimes seems to be almost unbearably frustrating, I will continue to calmly respond even when things are going so wrong. That’s something that is very hard for me. Trying to stay calm is one of my biggest challenges but I’ll do anything for him, because I am a mother, I’m his mother, and I love him.