Sunday, March 22, 2009

I plead insanity.

Maybe my good mood left when I packed up the wee folks. 

Maybe it’s because my stupid tremors are back, courtesy of the stupid weight gain of the past couple of months.

Maybe it flew out the door as Abner raced to earn his eagle. 

eagle scout rockwell

With only two days until his 18th birthday they finally approved his efforts.  He made it, in typical Fawndear procrastination style.  My son is flying.

eagle be prepared 

His project was to clear a trail, remove fallen tree’s and make and replace 23 plant identification signs.

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That alone kept my mind whirling that I totally spaced his birthday.  So what do you get a son turning 18 that has more in his checking account than you do?     Who on a daily basis proves his is more mature than his mom.

pirate water bottle

That’s it?  Yeah, he likes pirate stuff and all but this is one exceptional boy.  And that’s all he gets?  He has never in all his years once sassed me,  raised his voice to me, threw a temper tantrum in any form what-so-ever since he was maybe 3 or 4. 

This is the one in a million kid that when he see’s that I need help, he volunteers to help without being asked. 

Of all the kids in the state we live in he qualified for Nationals in two events at TSA.  He taught himself how to play chess at the age of four by just watching his Pompa and Dad play.  He is exceptional.

So how does his mother mark his passage into adulthood - with a lousy water bottle.  You’ve got to be kidding me.

I truly was sick to my stomach that this special day snuck up on me and I’d planned nothing, no party, no special commemorative gifts.  Maybe my sub-conscience was trying to trick me into thinking if I didn’t celebrate his birthday he wouldn’t get any older.  He wouldn’t soon be taking his amazing example and leaving the nest.  Regardless of my pathetic excuses, I was a mental mess on his birthday.  Still am, but that’s nothing new.

He even offered to help decorate his own birthday cake.

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I was able to get a couple of his friends to come over at the last minute and play rock band with him.   It wasn’t a total loss.  And dad brought him home a computer gadget.  So he didn’t walk away with only one thing.

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But, I’m feeling like a stinking, horrible mom right now, and deserve to be taken to the woodshed.  Well that’s where I’ve taken myself.  He hasn’t complained a lick about the lack of attention.  He never has.  He always steps back and let’s the kids who bellow and whine take all my focus. 

So help me – how can I make this up to him?  Other than making him an Eagle quilt or something.  Material things aren’t going to cut it.  How do I let him know just how much he means to me?  I can’t believe my baby is 18!!!!!

9 comments:

Sara said...

I know just how bad you feel; been there too many times! {hugs} What about 18 days of presents/special reminders of how much he means to you, like the 14 Valentines from your dh?

fawndear said...

Oh Sara, That's a great idea.

Trena Doll said...

You could say, "Son, you're an adult now. You can vote and go to war. As parents interested in seeing you become a productive member of society, we feel that you should now contribute to the household income through rent and by performing additional odd jobs and upkeep. But as a birthday present, we're going to waive these requirements for a whole month. We won't bill you until May. Happy birthday!"

I'm kidding of course. He knows you love him & he lives in your house, so he also knows about all of the other demands on your attention. Give him a hug and extend his curfew. I can't believe he's 18!

Anonymous said...

Instead of presents, take him out on 18 lovely Mom and Son, you could also let Dad help with half of these outings, time alone doing just what he wants, or making memories that will last long after he is gone. He will be gone before you know it. Let him know how much you appreciate him with time. That is all kids want. Their parents time and attention. Good luck. He is a great kid and deserves it.

UK lass in US said...

Don't worry, my parents forgot my 19th birthday completely and I forgave them... It sounds like you must have done a pretty wonderful job at parenting to produce such a great kid, so I'm sure he's happy.

princessmama said...

I like the eighteen memory makers idea a lot... maybe you could combine the two ideas? Do some gifts and some outings?

Milaka said...

If you promise to stop beating yourself up about Abner's birthday, I'll promise to stop beating myself up about Hubby's Christmas. Yes, I forgot to get my wonderful, attentive, passionate, amazing husband a decent Christmas present TWO years in a row - I was so focused on the kids and hosting my parents. He forgave me and Abner will forgive you. I made it up to Hubby on Valentine's day. I like what Sara said about 18 days of presents for Abner. Make one of them a journal/scrapbook about your lives together - just him, not any other sibling! Keep us posted about how it goes!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

It's a hopeless case, you know - there is nothing you could get him to express how you feel, and that's the real reason you got stuck. Best to write him a letter telling him how proud you are of his growing up. The mom did that in The Great Santini, you know. The things he really wants at this point in his life you can't give him, anyway.

Lisa Olander said...

Make him an Alphabet book of his life...this was done for one of your brother-in-laws. I loved it. I plan on doing one someday. You could do one letter a day until it is complete, then get it bound. Abner knows he is loved. You are so lucky he is such a great son. I know there is a reason you are so blessed with him. You are the best mom and I try to emulate you every day. I wish we were closer. Stay safe!